Anything You Can Do
by Operas'n'Cartoons1883
Summary: When Charles Finster was in fourth grade, there was nothing he liked more than playing with his friends, most of whom were younger than he. The one exception (that is, the one who was just Chas' age) was Melinda Cavanaugh, who had just moved into town with her widowed father. One-shot from Chas' childhood. Based on the song "Anything You Can Do" from Annie Get Your Gun.


When Charles Finster was in fourth grade, there was nothing he liked more than playing with his friends, most of whom were younger than he. The one exception (that is, the one who was just Chas' age) was Melinda Cavanaugh, who had just moved into town with her widowed father.

On a Saturday afternoon in October 1966, Chas was riding his pony Crackertoe as Melinda, Stu (a second grader), Didi (a first grader), Betty (another second grader), and Howard (a third grader) walked alongside him.

"I've been riding this pony for two-and-a-half years now, and I'm getting the hang of it," said Chas.

"Well, this looks like a fun pony," said Howard.

Betty added, "Yeah, looks great for a rodeo!"

"Or even for a tournament!" said Didi.

"Guys," said Chas. "It's a pony, not a charger, but you can ride it later on."

But who should show up but Drew Pickles, come to mock Chas and his friends?

"Well, if it isn't Finster and his 'knightly steed,'" taunted Drew. "I wouldn't ride that thing if my life depended on it!"

"Drew!" shouted Stu. "Why do you always have to pick on us?"

Drew replied, "Because I'm a big kid, that's why! I can do whatever I want! If I want a doll, I can just take Kropotkin's! If I want some juice, DeVille should fork it over! If I wanna toss Stu's ball into the next yard, I'd do it! If I wanna pull Giselle's hair, there's nuttin' stoppin' me!"

When Melinda saw that Chas was nearly in tears, she stepped up to Drew and shouted, "Hey! You leave us alone!"

"Oh, yeah?" sneered Drew. "Who's gonna make me?"

"I am!"

"You and what army?"

"Me and this arm-y!" And Melinda bore her arm at Drew.

"Yeah, right! I'll easily win this fight!"

"No way!"

"Yes way! I'm the biggest and best kid there is, and I could beat you at anything in the whole, wide world!"

"Oh, yeah? Anything you can do I can do better!"

This argument gave way to a fantasy sequence Drew and Melinda were having, in which Melinda and Drew were cowboys with adult singing voices.

Melinda sang: "_Anything you can do I can do better!  
I can do anything better than you!_"

Drew retorted with: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can! Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_Anything you can be I can be greater!  
Sooner or later I'm greater than you!_"

Melinda: "_No, you're not!_"

Drew: "_Yes, I am!_"

Melinda: "_No, you're not!_"

Drew: "_Yes, I am!_"

Melinda: "_No, you're not!_"

Drew: "_Yes, I am! Yes, I am!_  
_I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge!_"

And Drew proved it by firing a pop gun at a partridge, who ran away.

Melinda: "_I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow!_"

And Melinda proved it by shooting a slingshot at a sparrow, who also flew away.

Drew held up a plate of bread and cheese: "_I can live on bread and cheese!_"

Melinda: "_And only on that?_"

Drew: "_Yes!_"

Melinda: "_So can a rat!_"

Drew: "_Any note you can reach I can go higher!_"

Melinda: "_I can sing anything higher than you!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

At this point, Drew lost his breath.

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Melinda's high note ended up breaking Chas' glasses.

Soon, Drew and Melinda approached an ice-cream truck with some pocket change in their hands.

Melinda: "_Anything you can buy I can buy cheaper!  
I can buy anything cheaper than you!_"

Drew: "_Fifty cents._"

Melinda: "_Forty cents._"

Drew: "_Thirty cents._"

Melinda: "_Twenty cents._"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can! Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_Anything you can say I can say softer!_"

Melinda: "_I can say anything softer than you!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can! Yes, I can!_"

Now, Drew and Melinda were at a candy-eating contest.

Drew: "_I can eat my candy faster than a dandy!_"

Melinda: "_I can eat it quicker and get even sicker!_"

Drew was opening a piggy bank at night: "_I can open any safe!_"

Melinda: "_Without getting caught?_"

Drew: "_Sure!_"

Melinda: "_That's what I thought (you crook!)_"

Melinda, dressed as a policewoman, promptly arrested Drew.

Soon, Drew and Melinda were on the stage of the theatre.

Drew: "_Any note you can hold I can hold longer!_"

Melinda: "_I can hold any note longer than you!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can! Yes, I caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Yes, I can!_"

Even Drew had to admit: "_Yes, you can!_"

At this point, the fantasy ended.

"Oh, great!" groaned Drew. "How are we gonna find out who's better?"

"You know, Drew," said Stu, "maybe it doesn't matter who's the best."

"Yeah," added Chas as he dismounted his horse. "You're both the best in different ways."

"Sure," said Betty. "Melinda's excellent at drawing."

"And Drew's the bestest jumper," added Didi.

"And I've never seen anyone eat candy like that," said Chas.

Melinda then said to Drew, "When you think about it, Drew, maybe everybody's the best at something."

"Well…" Drew replied, "maybe you guys are right."

Presently, Drew heard Charlotte say, "Yoo-hoo! Over here!"

Soon, Drew approached Charlotte, and Melinda approached Chas, and, back in their fantasy world, they each decided to sing sweetly.

Drew: "_Anything you can sing I can sing sweeter!_"

Melinda: "_I can sing anything sweeter than you!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't, can't, can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can, can, can, can!_"

Drew: "_No, you can't!_"

Melinda: "_Yes, I can!_"


End file.
